I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
