Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
