i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
