That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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