I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
