I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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