I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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