you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize