what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
