I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
