I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
