I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize