Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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