So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
