how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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