I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
