Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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