I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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