I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
