kristin has been a bad kristin
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
