He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
