It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
