he wants to bone in the snuggie
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Randomize
