I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
