Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
