I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
