Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
