So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
