WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
