Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
