how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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