Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
