YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize