weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
