how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
