I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize