Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
