mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize