the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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