I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
