Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
