Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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