i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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