don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
