WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
