Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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