I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
