In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
