I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
