I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
