Umm I'm too high to move.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
