I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
