Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
