im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
