@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
