just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
