How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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