Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize