Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
