I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
