3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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