Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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