I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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