I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
