I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
