if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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