dude i'm inner monologue high
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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