she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
