Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
