I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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