Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm just crazy horny about you
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize