i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
