i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
