My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
