So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
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