One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Randomize
