he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
