His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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