i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
