you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
