there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
