I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
